I'M SORRY

“An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.”

How I wish I could just repair everything. I guess not everything can be fixed. Especially with that thing I did to you.

Dear Edward,

            To be honest with you, it took me a lot of courage to do this letter. I just want you to know how sorry I really am. I look at myself in the mirror and I see myself as a cruel, mean girl because I can’t take away the fact that I DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE REALLY HORRIBLE TO A PERSON. I’m pretty sure, VERY sure that you can’t forgive me for what I did and I understand and respect that. But please don’t close a door for a new friendship. I know that this letter won’t even be the key for you to forgive me that easily. Wounds heal slowly, it takes time. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t forgive me at least I was able to say SORRY TO YOU AND HOW MUCH I HATED MYSELF AFTER WHAT HAPPENED.  SORRY. SORRY. I REALLY AM. Sorry for degrading you, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT. You can go slap me or punch me now because I know how much you hate(d) me after what I did to you. I am fine with that ‘cause I actually deserve an even worst punishment for the crime I did.

            I know that we already talked about this issue and we ended it. But I know that it is not that simple. I’M SORRY. I badly want to hug you right now and say how sorry I really am. I don’t know why I did not say sorry to you when we talked about that issue. Maybe I was afraid, too coward in that fact that you will sort of curse me forever? I know that you can’t trust me. (You will never trust me again). Thousands, millions, billions of Sorry won’t even turn back time and it’s still not enough. YES. I WAS WRONG. I WAS STUPID, YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING, IN THE END WHAT I DID WAS WRONG THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT. IT WAS UNFORGIVABLE.

            I’m not asking for your forgiveness. It’s fine. I just badly want to tell you how SORRY I really am. I hope through this letter (maybe) at least I was able to tell you how sorry I really am. I AM SORRY JOHN EDWARD CAYAS. I don’t care if other people can read this, or talk about this. It doesn’t matter for me. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT I DID.  SORRY SORRY SORRY

            I hope after you read this, there will be no awkward moments. I also want to thank you because you never punched me or attacked me (sort of thing) when you knew about the thing I did to you. THANK YOU AND SORRY EDWARD. I don’t care if apologizing is a sign of weakness, because you totally deserve my APOLOGY. I’M SORRY EDWARD. Also to Andrew, I’m really sorry too. Sorry guys.

(I also hope that you can see how much I am trying to change and do the right things. I hope that we can still be friends) 

                                                                                                            Sincerely yours,
                                                                                                                    Ira xx