Living the junior life

Before I enter my freshman year, I have surveyed I mean more of asked my relatives if high school life is difficult. They all said that it was hard, but it was the BEST. I wasn’t pretty sure what they meant with that word “best” because when I had my freshman year it revolved around hardships and obstacles, (maybe) because we are still adjusting and we’re too young during those times. We were not yet ready to face so much heavy loads (home works, projects, and activities). But when I was in my sophomore year, all of these loads were gone and came into the point where we didn’t learn much especially in English Class. All we did was answer stuffs and do like this and that. There was no “Teacher-Student Relationship” existed (nothing at all because I wasn’t able to feel it). Now that I am living my junior life, surprisingly, I can say that though 3^rd year life is hard, I learned so many things here and this is the part where I realize that the word “BEST” really exists in high school.

The best part of being a 3^rd year high school is having English Class under Mam May. Not only because we learned so many things like grammars and vocabulary from her but in English Class we are a family. Mam May does not only teach us stuffs about English but she gives us advices, tells us stories (her stories) and also how life works. She is more than a teacher she is like our mom inside the classroom. During English class you will really feel the “Teacher-Student Relationship” more like “Mother-Daughter Relationship”

I had so much fun and had a lot of great memories to cherish during our English Class. The first one is our blog. The first time Ma’am May told us that we are going to have our blog as our Informal Theme I was so excited because through this I could really express the real me. Other memorable experiences were the Jazz Chant, Romeo and Juliet play, but the most memorable and unforgettable are the Conventional Speech Choir and the Letters. We had a lot of activities involving the whole class, which made it more challenging because it’s really hard to work as a team especially if you   contradict one’s idea. But through these activities of ours in English, 3-Nitrogen will not be so close with each other. We are like now a family; we all work as a team. It made our bond stronger.

            I never thought that I will be able to open up so many things to my parents; I only started opening everything to my parents this 3^rd year high school because I was influenced by Ma’am May, all of her advices and stories it helped me a lot. I’m sure that I wasn’t the only one who was influenced by Ma’am May but maybe all of us! She is the teacher who really understands her students and you can see that teaching is really in her heart. I like our teacher so much especially when she tells us stories where we can all relate. I didn’t expect that in English Class, I will be learning so many things, not only grammars, vocabulary, pronunciations but I also learned things about life! I will never forget my 3^rd year life because for me it is the BEST.

I'M SORRY

“An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything.”

How I wish I could just repair everything. I guess not everything can be fixed. Especially with that thing I did to you.

Dear Edward,

            To be honest with you, it took me a lot of courage to do this letter. I just want you to know how sorry I really am. I look at myself in the mirror and I see myself as a cruel, mean girl because I can’t take away the fact that I DID SOMETHING HORRIBLE REALLY HORRIBLE TO A PERSON. I’m pretty sure, VERY sure that you can’t forgive me for what I did and I understand and respect that. But please don’t close a door for a new friendship. I know that this letter won’t even be the key for you to forgive me that easily. Wounds heal slowly, it takes time. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t forgive me at least I was able to say SORRY TO YOU AND HOW MUCH I HATED MYSELF AFTER WHAT HAPPENED.  SORRY. SORRY. I REALLY AM. Sorry for degrading you, I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THAT. You can go slap me or punch me now because I know how much you hate(d) me after what I did to you. I am fine with that ‘cause I actually deserve an even worst punishment for the crime I did.

            I know that we already talked about this issue and we ended it. But I know that it is not that simple. I’M SORRY. I badly want to hug you right now and say how sorry I really am. I don’t know why I did not say sorry to you when we talked about that issue. Maybe I was afraid, too coward in that fact that you will sort of curse me forever? I know that you can’t trust me. (You will never trust me again). Thousands, millions, billions of Sorry won’t even turn back time and it’s still not enough. YES. I WAS WRONG. I WAS STUPID, YOU CAN CALL ME ANYTHING, IN THE END WHAT I DID WAS WRONG THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT. IT WAS UNFORGIVABLE.

            I’m not asking for your forgiveness. It’s fine. I just badly want to tell you how SORRY I really am. I hope through this letter (maybe) at least I was able to tell you how sorry I really am. I AM SORRY JOHN EDWARD CAYAS. I don’t care if other people can read this, or talk about this. It doesn’t matter for me. I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT I DID.  SORRY SORRY SORRY

            I hope after you read this, there will be no awkward moments. I also want to thank you because you never punched me or attacked me (sort of thing) when you knew about the thing I did to you. THANK YOU AND SORRY EDWARD. I don’t care if apologizing is a sign of weakness, because you totally deserve my APOLOGY. I’M SORRY EDWARD. Also to Andrew, I’m really sorry too. Sorry guys.

(I also hope that you can see how much I am trying to change and do the right things. I hope that we can still be friends) 

                                                                                                            Sincerely yours,
                                                                                                                    Ira xx

                                                                                                                       

BORN THIS WAY( Being Special in My own Way)

                 “Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” 

I am not freaking special. That’s what I said to myself as our teacher told us our next blog topic was about being special. As I was staring at my laptop I keep on thinking how I am going to start with my blog ‘cause I don’t know if I am even really special. I act normal; I do normal stuffs like what other normal people do. In my fifteen years of existence nobody has asked me if I am special (and I’m pretty sure that I won’t be able to answer it). I don’t know what part of my body or where is that special thingyyy found. Is it within me? Is it me? Or maybe I’m really NOT SPECIAL.

It’s never been easy to find the real you. I had a hard time finding the real me, and right now I’m dealing with this question bothering me “Am I special?” Ughhh. I don’t know because I have characteristics that are not of the standards on being special.  I am not good-looking, genius or physically fit. I am bothered with my own skin and body. It’s like I am 0.00001% special. Simply, I am very far from being special (I don’t have a chance at all on being special). But I realized that being special is not being the most popular, the prettiest person but when we talk of special it’s not about the looks or the talents it’s about ACCEPTING THE REAL YOU AND NOT TRYING TO ACT LIKE SOMEBODY ELSE FOR PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU OR FOR YOU TO FIT IN.

 Yes!  Finally I realized that we are I mean I am special. Every individual is special. Something within us is special. I am pretty sure that I won’t try to do the things that other people want me to do because that’s SHIT. I mean why do you have to change who you are, if that’s who you are you should love and accept yourself because you are SPECIAL. We are all special in our own ways.  We don’t have to prove it to others how special, different or how extraordinary we really are because knowing the real you and making the most out of yourself is being SPECIAL.

I AM IRA CRISTINA SAGALA SANTOS, AND I BELIEVE THAT I AM SPECIAL BECAUSE I AM ME AND NOBODY CAN BE LIKE ME BECAUSE I AM ONLY ONE. I FEEL SO SPECIAL ALSO BECAUSE OF ALL THE PEOPLE SURROUNDING ME THE PEOPLE WHOM I LOVE AND THE ONES WHO LOVE ME.

“‎Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, ‘cause we were born this way dude!” 

UNrevealed Words

Dear God,

            I don't know how I can thank you for giving me the best things I could ever have in this world. My Parents. I could not ask for more. It's like my life is so complete when I am with my parents. I don't know where to start with Dear God, but I am so blessed and lucky that at this very moment I still have my strong, young, and loving parents beside me.

            I am getting older and so are my parents. I want to cherish every second with them because right now I cannot afford to lose them, not now. My life will be totally miserable if I don’t have them on my side. My brothers and I need them, we are all still young and I want them to see how we will turn out to be. My parents serve as the light that shows me the right path. They guide me and took care of me. Whoever I am right now, I owe everything to them, to my parents.  All I want to ask Dear God is to make my parents’ life longer and to protect them from all the sickness. A thousand words or even a million aren’t enough to describe what I am feeling right now, this feeling of happiness and completeness and how much blessed I really am to have this kind of parents.

            To be honest Dear God, I am not a perfect daughter I have answered back to my parents or even disobey them. And as I grow old I realize that what I have done was wrong and I have got no excuse for that because at the end what I did was still wrong. They are my parents; I have to keep that in mind. Sometimes I ask myself, “What was my parents’ feeling when they first held me into their arms?” Did they feel like they won in a lottery prize and the prize is unbeatable. I wonder if they thought on giving up on me, because I know I haven’t been one of the greatest daughters in the world. But though I haven’t been the sweetest or the so called “perfect” daughter, they didn’t give up on me. They are always on my side, they are always there to guide me and support me. And for that I owe you everything God, for giving me such wonderful parents.

            I just want to say how much I love my parents dear God, I know that I haven’t told them and I haven’t shown how much I love them but deep inside I really love them. I am willing to sacrifice everything for my parents. I don’t know yet how I can pay for everything they have done for me but I will do everything no matter what it takes.

           

            “I love you Ma and Pa! You are the best parents!!! I want to say sorry for every wrong thing I have done. Thank you for always being there and loving me unconditionally!! Thank you for everything!”

            Dear God I am asking you to guide our family and take care of us. Keep us always safe and ONCE AGAIN THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. 

                                                                                                          Loving Daughter

FEAR is imprudent so are REGRETS

                 “Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.”

Regrets... I am pretty sure that we came into the point where we said these things like "If Only" or "Why did I even do this?" Sometimes we do something that we badly wish we could undo. But I believe that these regrets will always be a part of who we are. We make mistakes, we face struggles and life isn't always what we have planned.  Let's keep in mind that we are not like our mistakes we are born and here living to shape up our day and our future and that it's alright to regret something.

I am a human being and I have a lot of regrets. Fear has always been the one winning within me. I am always afraid that if I did that something I would regret it for the rest my life. But I guess I was wrong regrets isn't about what you have done it's the things that you did not try to do. It's better if you try because at least you tried and if turned out bad, it doesn't matter because at the end you will be the winner because you overcome your fears and thoughts. 

These past years, I had these regrets. (I mean who doesn't) I am a very fun person, I have a lot of friends and I can open up everything to them, but I have always been this quiet person and who does not learn how to fight back and defend myself. The truth is I never get angry, if I do very often  and when I get mad to a person minutes later I'm fine. I tend to be quiet when someone insults me or talk bad things about me. I don't answer back or make issues about it. Because it's no big deal for me. But sometimes I realize that I'm stupid and that I should have defend myself sometimes. They use my kindness so much like they ask me to do things like this or like that or to finish everything because they know that I won't get angry. Sometimes, I regret being "too much kind and nice" (I guess) 

Another thing I regret the most is being not able to tell everything  to my parents. Like if I have problems and what I'm feeling if I like someone or you know something like that. It's really hard for me I don't know why but I always think twice whatever I open to my parents. Compared to my best friends it's a lot easier for me to open up my problems to them or even my secrets.  I realized that I have to open up EVERYTHING to my parents because they're my parents and I am 101% sure that they will never leave me  and betray me. Maybe I was wrong being secretive and not being open to my parents. At the end they are still my parents, they will always be here for me.  I guess the reason why  it was hard for me to open up everything to my parents is I was scared, I am scared to what they're going to tell me or say to me. It's like I thought they won't understand me and my best friends can. My best friends will give me advice and they can relate on what I am going through. That's what I thought. But I guess my parents can give better advice because they have gone through this and they will tell me the right things to do. 

It's never too late to change. I still got a lot of time to live my life to the fullest!!!

“Our biggest regrets are not for the things we have done but for the things we haven't done”